Lost

I'm feeling so insecure in this place called KL..

Meaningless, emptiness... Fear attacks me everytime when I'm weak. I woke up with super fast heart beat these days, trying to figure out what happened in my dream but cant recall. Juz bad feelings..

I get so lost when I think of the reasons that bring two ppl together. The meaning has been forgotten and the feeling fade away.. Tried to make things better but it get worse, coz of me apparently. I'm not an easy-going person, not even to live together with someone, not tolerance at all. I would exaggerate things coz I'm putting too much attention and care on it. Unless I ignore everything and what is the purpose to be together? Finally, I'm back to the same conclusion, I'm never good in manage a relationship.

Totally lost

Birthday =)

So, I'm officially 23rd ..

Have been planning to celebrate my birthday at the place where I belong to, and I was back on Friday.

Went to Auto City with Zoe, Mango and others on my birthday eve =)

Before that, make up ourselves at Zoe's house. She passed me the gift that I have been waiting for.. After removing layer and layersss of wrapping papers, I was so surprised of the present =D

Before our drinking session at Tao, Zoe and I went for dinner at Sakae @ Auto City, that was my first time there. Nice environment, a very suitable place for our dinner. And then games and beers at Tao.. I had my wishes with the special cake prepared by Zoe. And then we went to Fuel too.. Felt myself really older till not really adapt to that "clubbing" feel there. We juz sat there and still, games and alcohol. Happenning nite with them, I was happy, hope they were, too =)

Woould like to express my thankssss to my dear fren-- Zoe, for that nite, everything... The gift and cake and the activities, juz as wat I like~ Remember our song 一个像夏天 一个像秋天. You are really the one who understands me the most.. Love you.. Muacksss.. Besides, of coz I wana thank my dear Mango, coz u will kill me if I don't =p Thank you for leaving your baby Amson and come for my bday celebration, thanks to your husband who accompany along too.. Thanks for your time... And Mr Eric, thanks and sorry if I created any problem to you...

Went back on the next day, my birthday.. Celebrate at home with my dearest family =D
Mum and grandma cooked delicious dinner and we had sweet moments at home. Ohoh.. I got very cute present from him too =) Thank you for coming, know you're busy and pressured with work and assignments... Jia You !


Feeling so contended, I had my beloved ones with me for this years' birthday. Ok... I should enjoy my home sweet home time now.. Gd nite~

沉淀了一整天的我，清醒了。。。

女人，原来还是喜欢被追求的。因为喜欢时时刻刻被珍惜，被在意，每一个小动作，都被留意的感觉。对于恋爱，我会百分百付出，也期待百分百的爱。或许我太自大了，那一百分的在乎早在恋爱开始时一点一点的流逝。

女人，就算怎么提醒自己，总还是笨的去期待。期待自己的恋爱不会变质，所以努力的为它保鲜。可惜越努力，越觉得气馁。曾经他告诉我，有多么后悔，那是我放弃了之后。遗憾，可是我们都回不去了。后来，我告诉自己不可以沉默的任由感情流逝，我很努力的让你知道我的心情，就算是微不足道的事，因为我不想它蔓延。可是这样的我很累。。。

一直把我的世界缩小，所以找不到真正倾诉的地方。好久，我没这么坦白交待过我的心情，不想要为了一件事的完美而不完美。我其实更爱自己，我的世界不应该是这样。

Special no more

So happen that a little thing has spoiled my night.

Something I thought to be very important and special but it was just forgotten at all. I'm so upset to feel that my effort is not appreciated, on this so called "nothing special".

Wondering why am I always the one who pays extra care and eventually disappoint myself. Arghhhh........ Why shud I being so frustrated?

Go away this silly feeling! I won't give a shit anymore

Happy *1014*

It’s a special day today *1014*. Happy Birthday to my dear boy friend XD

This year isn’t that surprising but hoping he would love my arrangement.

Happy Birthday ♥ Happy Always

Fighting

I'm trying and doing my best to go through.. It is so torturing but I know I'm heading to a better future...

Jia you LimJiaYing... Fight the fear!

Tough

It's been the toughest time I ever had these days...

I'm not the one I used to be, being surrounded with fear and pressures every single second. Back to the root, it's all because of my new job role. There are so much to catch up but the volume of work doesn't give me the chance to learn step by step. It keeps coming and accumulating. I can't breath!

I myself and people around tell me not to push myself so hard, but it's hard to control my emotion. Couldn't sleep well, work request flooded my mind. In fact I didn't really have rest. And, I know there was someone suffering like me. Thank you for the patient and care, and thank you for always be there when I really need you.

It's Friday now, time to relax. I guess I never come through this tough situation and as you said, it's a good experience. I would try my best to go through this hard time, like everyone did =)

By the way, I really miss YOU, my dear family...

Trust

How to change a person's feeling by juz telling him / her: "please don't feel that way"?

I wonder am I too emotional or self-indulgence drives me towards this difficult situation. I tried not to be so sensitive and emotional but indeed this is me! Can anyone tell me if he or she could not accept this part of me instead of feeling uncomfortable being with me? I wouldn't hope the closest one trying to keep a secret thought about me just to make the physical seems great. It is anyway dishonesty to me.

I used to have my very strong principle and thus my emotional expression is strong too. However I'm trying to be calm, or "pretending to be", yet my principle stays- against any dishonesty in any kind of relationship.

Once it's broken, trust fades, relationship breaks.

好想大声地哭出来

好想说，我有多难过

好想脱离一切

好想放手就走

可以吗。。。

好想找回我

在一起久了，女人都会想问男人，“为什么当初你会做的事，现在都变成不可能的任务了？”到某个阶段，这种心思，或许，在男人脑海中根本没再出现。

介乎朋友与情人之间的阶段，不厌其烦，花尽心思。那时候，男人很在意女人的存在，他可以陪她做任何事情。不开心时，女人可以安然的在他面前倾诉。需要他时，就算再累他都听见电话铃声。还有，偶尔会被精心安排的惊喜所感动。直到热恋阶段，他们都幸福。他特地向朋友讨教，煮了她爱吃的一道菜。而她为他下厨煮的第一道晚餐，他特意拍了照留念，很珍惜的样子。。他可以无条件陪她漫无目的地喝咖啡，到处逛。。。

而不知道什么时候开始，她煮的菜不再有被珍惜的价值。而好久好久，没有再吃到她最爱的那道菜，也再也没有什么惊喜了。好多以前理所当然的事，都消失了。

当女人投诉又投诉后，那些敷衍的表示还是很让人失望。后来女人发觉，男人的心思，原来在女人开始投入感情的同时，也开始削减，然后消失。

若在意的事情一直都让她心淡，她不只是不开心。她开始在缅怀从前，想着离开他会不会好一些。。。她的忽冷忽热，他却一无所知。

当初被加入“favourite"的blog,又有多久没被打开过了？

家

家，总给我安稳的感觉。

严重缺乏安全感的我，只有回家的时候感觉彻底的自在，舒服。我想，你不会明白我是多么心急的想回到家里，也体会不到我那等待回家的心情。生活在一个不属于自己的地方，我努力寻找那份归属感，或者安全感。可惜。。。所以每当回家，我都反复的在想，我可以永远待在家吗？

第一天到家就去外婆家，姨丈准备了很丰富的晚餐，少不了我最爱的螃蟹。外婆裹了很多粽子，特地留了很多个给我，是天下最好吃的 =）

这个父亲节，我准备了nasi lemak晚餐，虽然不是很成功，也没亲口跟爸爸说声“父亲节快乐”，但是希望他感受到。我，遗传了爸爸大部分的性格，急性子，注重时间观念，还有不善于表达。。。听到妈妈要动手术，其实很担心，可是总在心里告诉自己，只是小手术，只是小事。。。

从家里出发到kl的途中，想着想着，想到对爸爸的一个诠释，“简单的好”。我的爸爸，是个简单的大好人。他的生活很简单，就只围绕着我们这个家和他的学校事务。他很节俭，他没有去过什么地方旅行，而对于这样的生活，他从来没有表示过不满足。可我心理明白，他只是不舍得享受，不是因为吝啬，而是把不舍得的都留给了我们。

我的家人们，你们再这样溺爱我，我真的会被宠坏，还有那永远都痊愈不了的“homesick”。不过。。。这样很好 =）

给自己

好久，没有这种感觉了。。。

情绪，我总是处理不好。

很多时候追究事情的根源其实就这么简单，何必每件小事都去在意。

明白了，不代表做得到。这一点，深深体会到。所以不要希望明白了就会改变了，因为自己还不是一样-做不到。

每当认真回想每一幕，心，抽痛。。。也只能静静的。

不能怪别人若无其事，就算是此时此刻。别再无理取闹，只会让自己，别人越来越不耐烦，甚至讨厌。

Recharge !!!

Working now at Starbucks @ The Garden now...

Fetched my dear FangFang from LCCT last nite, she arrived quite late at 12am, and I ady planned to work from home today. And today, she was gonna come to Mid Valley, I decided to drive her here, and work here after our lunch at Sushi Zanmai.

Feeling de-motivated lately, as wat we were told when first join this company, we will be feeling "stupid" and meaningless for our first 6 months of work there. This is so true!! But, there is one more dissatisfaction other than the boring tasks... This sometimes makes me feel like going back to Welly, the beautiful and peace place...

I wish so much to get a master degree if I could. I wish to be unique and significant, currently I can't see the opportunity. I am so clear that I shud eliminate these bad feelings and make a motivation for me to move on. Being too aggressive isn't a good thing sometimes. I need more patience I think. I need higher EQ too.

It's time to adjust my thought and mind set, this weekends will be a happening one. Recharge and go go go !

Happy Birthday to Mama~

Was so tired after a few days escape from this busy city..

Spending my lovely moments at home sweet home last weekends, celebrating Papa's birthday and early birthday for Mama, too. Papa gave me a kiss when I gave him the birthday present, I remember I was in primary school when he last kissed me before this. SweEt.. Thank you Papa ♥

Mama cooked me her special vege porridge, my favourite. I was surprised when she told me that she was gonna cook this as I've been thinking of eating this when going home! Thank you Mama ♥

At the same time, I treated Grandma and Aunty's family a dinner as I get salary from my first formal job. Grandma specially made me "bak zhang", it is always my favorite one from early childhood, the very familiar and best taste ever. Thank you Popo ♥

My sister, was the one sticking with me all the time. I do hope to bring you over and play around, will be one day, ok? Miss you~

I realized I would only have limited time to stay home as I started to work in a different city. What a sad reality. When first came back here from home, I couldn't sleep well... Homesick... I gotta adapt anyway, recharged and move on!

How I wish I could spend my time with my family all the time. People, you may not feel so, but do appreciate the time you have with your family.

AND, today is a very special day... Happy Birthday to my dearest Mama!!! Wishing you healthy,happy, pretty and young!!! Love you~~

Let GO ... Bad Night

Dreamssss surrounding my sleep last night, bad night. Plus huge traffic jam in the morning, I'm totally exhausted now.

It's my own problem indeed, I knew, I understood. It has been happening last year, perhaps ending now. Sensitive me is the main cause of my bad night.

Let it go, and it wouldn't affect u anyway then. Telling myself,don't get stuck with something meaningless..

Cherish

Juz got informed that Mango (my ex roomate + ji mui) is going to hospital as she will deliver her baby boy soon~

Feeling excited for her, knowing that she is so afraid of pain, anyway she has to go through, be tough! It's such an important stage of her life. Such a mix of feeling, I've never been through the process, so curious and glad to see her going through all these to be a "woman". Lol... I know she will be a great mom ♥

Lately, seeing touching stories of people,proposal, wedding, giving birth and there is still a long long way to go on together... How lucky for a pair of couple and a family to share their lives like this. But, there are sad stories tho.. How would people forget those precious time when things change over time, in fact people change.. I would have tried to cherish every story of mine, and yours-- my love ones. Hope you do, too.

Cherish~

I hope ♥

I hope I can....

I hope I can be a Professional in my future career~

I hope I can get an Accounting or Finance professional qualification in these 2 years~

I hope I can clear my study loan very soon~

I hope I can have my own car and dream house soon~

I hope to get a new phone~ iphone?

I hope to be slimmer and prettier =P

I hope to be happy everyday, with my love ones ♥

Upgrading....

LiFe

Everything has been going smooth since started working, colleagues and environment seem not bad.

Just... Feeling depressed after something happened this weekend, I got summon of parking beside the road outside the condo I stay. Feeling unsecured to stay alone. I hate the feeling of being alone, frens are around but not "ready" to be aside you anytime. Everyone is busy, has their own businesses. KL isn't big, but to meet up someone just a few km from you isn't easy at all.

Booked flight ticket to go home this end of April, alone. Although we have promised that he would accompany me home whenever possible, I now totally understand the meaning of "reality". There were promises, but when we come to reality, there is no excuse. Blame no one.

Being emo as I feel the reality. Life starts going on as routine but how I wish we could make some days special, instead of loosing the passion in something you did care so much before...

I believe in, life isn't a process to follow, but to CrEaTe.. Do you?

New Life

Hooooh~

I'm now in my very brand new life in PJ, Selangor. Working as a Financial Analyst in IBM.

It's juz the first week of my working life. Nothing much to mention about my job, coz i haven't got anything to do. I end up sitting the whole day reading some common documents as the whole department is busy during this closing period.

If I was asked about my feeling of joining the company and my team, I should say I'm lucky so far. It is the environment that I've been looking for, diversified and demanding work, bring good culture, while people are quite friendly. These make me happy and excited to get into my job role.

At the same time, it means a life that I really start by myself, apart from my beloved family. Feeling strange, seems like I'm gonna be apart with my family from now on. I'm a seriously homesick person indeed. Anyway, I will work towards my goal! And also, I will be home anytime when possible!

Miss ya~ My dear family.. and frens~

Have been attending interviewss...

It was a stressful and tiring process. It wasn't only preparation for the interview itself, but also finding the route, travelling around to the interview venue... Anyway, I believe every interview enhances my ability to handle those kind of situation. I learned not to be "too" nervous tho.

At the same time, I did ask myself which will be my first choice. It turns out with so much curiosity, again. What I could see now are just the physical conditions such as salary and the company's reputation. I would like a work which gives me a great opportunity to develop yet I'm not fully confident, as it seems so fresh for me. I'm keen to begin my career indeed. Hopefully going through all the difficulties and then towards success.

CNY is coming~ After all, I will welcome new page of my life, gratefully =)

期待。。出发

现在的我，正步入人生中的另一个阶段。下一步应该怎么走，正是我现在所烦恼的。

等待着去面试的期间，压力很大。虽然说我只是想去尝试，累积经验，可是总过不了自己那一关。

就算只是尝试，我都不希望输给自己。我希望，我的表现足以让自己骄傲。其实一直很想证实自己的能力，所以这种等待，真的很煎熬。呵呵。。。

现在的我，在前往KL的巴士上。回想起来，我已经历了一个又一个人生的阶段。每一次，心中都充满期待和彷徨。

从幼儿园升小学。。。到大学，在每一个的转换阶段，由一开始的犹豫不安，到最后我发觉其实及时这些过程丰富了我的人生。

现在的我，充满期待，等待出发。。。


“分享一句话，要有尝试失败的勇气，重要的不是知道你失败了，而是去明白为什么会失败。”

知足♥珍惜

今天收到个坏消息，他最亲爱的老师去世了。。。

虽然对这个老师并不认识，但是知道她是个很好的老师，深受学生爱戴。一个很好的老师，却受尽癌症的折磨离开了这世界。我们都说，“好人有好报”，却敌不过“人生无常”这四个字。

我也曾经想过，害怕过。如果有一天我发觉自己患了什么绝症，我会以怎样的心情面对。心里浮现的恐惧感证明其实自己根本没那么坚强。其实我只希望可以和身边的每一个我珍惜的人一起好好的，开开心心的过生活。

每当生病，身体不舒服时，才发觉不生病，可以正常活动其实是多么美好的事；只是健康的时候，我们很少去发觉那是件幸福的事。

幸福的事，是你我都健康，简单，开心；还要知足，珍惜 ♥



陈鸿珠老师，安息。。。

幸福

回到家了。最近的生活，参杂着愉快和一点点的压力。

对于幸福的定义，我想我有点意识。因现在的我，感觉到幸福。或许有时候，会有稍稍的疑惑，或者不踏实。可是，排除那只差一点点的不满足，其实我现在更应该享受这份感觉。

有些人，明明是幸福的，然而却一次又一次的亲手把它毁掉，然后又重复的缅怀过去。过去的人和事就算有多美好，也都过去了，那为什么总学不会去珍惜现在呢？

理智的自己，总是了解，美好的事情也会改变。朋友的意见我都了解，这是另一个起点，我们都看不清楚未来是什么样子的。可是至少我懂得现在的我可以做什么，我可以付出和拥有，那就够了。

回来啦！

回到属于我的地方了。。Wellington-Singapore-Malaysia，我们越过了重重障碍成功抵达。新加坡-新山-拉美士（他的家乡）。。。昨天来到这个地方，类似外婆家，一个小镇，比起新山，它给我比较熟悉的感觉。

男朋友和他妹妹早就跟我介绍这里的各种美食，所以第一站我们就去吃“鸡粥”和“六味汤”，（。。。 现在才想到忘了拍照）。接着在车上兜了一兜我们兴起的回去换了摩托，前往他们家的水果园参观。好久好久没骑摩托了， 乘着车，吹着风，感觉很轻松，很舒服~~ 这算是我第一次去这种园吧！要穿过一小段橡胶园，凹凸不平的泥路才到达的，有点刺激。一到就看见男朋友的舅舅在树上採"langsat"，在那里我第一次见到"langsat"树，可可树，还有百香果和龙珠果。。。 只是他们说，园里的蚊子只对陌生人攻击，我和男朋友都逃不过，被盯得很够力，尤其是我。。。 舅舅还开了榴莲让我们在那里吃，然后再採了一些那里最甜的"langsat"给我们带回家。然后骑着摩托回家。

原本计划晚上喝茶可以吃到我最想念的"roti canai"，怎么知道吃完晚餐回家看戏时，我抵挡不了睡意，就这样昏昏欲睡了。。。十二点，2010年到来，朋友们祝贺时，我竟然是在睡梦中。。。=p

在这里，既熟悉又新鲜的体验，让我想起外婆家，我长大的地方，我很快就回来啦！